Saturday, September 20, 2008

Funny Airline Announcements

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
......................Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

9 comments:

Thanks for the good laugh. I read it out loud to dad and Joleesa. It was great.

I know!! I was rolling!!! I can just hear dad laughing! =)

Some of those were REALLY funny!!!

I have been on a couple of flights where the attendants have a cute sense of humor. It is so nice. Let's one relax and enjoy the flight.

That is hilarious! Maybe we'll hear something funny on our flight next weekend.

LOL Those were so funny! Thanks for sharing with us. I love it when they (the flight attendants) say things like that. It makes for fun flying.

Those were hilarious! I remember one time I was flying and there was another pilot flying home as a passenger. He was sitting a few rows up from me. The pilot up front came over the intercom and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we are honored to have Captain *insert name here* flying home with us today. Captain, I have a message here for you... *pause* It's from the Hampton Inn... they wanted to let you know that they found your Superman pajamas you left and they will be shipping those back to you." It was hilarious!!! The same pilot asked the flight attendants to prepare the cabin for takeoff when we were landing... He said, "Scratch that, anybody wanna land???"

I've had a few flights with a hilarious crew. Its been mostly the flight attendants but I did have a red eye- Anchorage to Seattle flight that had HORRIBLE!!! turbulence for about 20 minutes once things calmed down the Pilot came on and said "Sorry folks I just took my lunch break but I'm back now so things should be much smoother" I didn't want to take him seriously but was almost gullible enough to believe him .

I LOVE the one about if the oxygen masks come down....quit screaming and if you have more than one child...choose your favorite. hahahahaha

The last flight I was on...the head attendant said over the intercom that the pilot asked if "anyone had recently bought a maytag, whirlpool or kenmore appliance/refridgerator? If you have, please contact the attendant...the pilot has some questions."